In September or October the first annual “Burn or Bestow” bonfire will be held at the home of my friends Maria, Brian and Baer.  Maria is a singer/songwriter with boxes of CD’s that she doesn’t want anyone to play.  I have paintings to burn and paintings to find new homes for in order to make room for my new body of work.  Each invited guest will leave at the end of the evening with a CD and at least one painting.

The inner conflict continues …….

I ask myself “What kind of art do I want connected to the memory of my name when I am gone?”  A smile comes to my face when I think that my name might bring to mind the following image:

A reflection of my inner self

I cringe when I think that the following image will be what some people will remember me by:

My favorite illustration from 'The Collie of Castle Hill', a children's book I wrote and illustrated.

Drawing has always been difficult for me.  It took thirty years of painstaking observation and practice to finally hear from the mouth of Adolf Konrad, my most significant mentor “Well, Christine, when did you learn to draw so well?”.

And yet, the realistic, representational drawings mean absolutely nothing to me.  If I were given the choice of keeping one drawing and burning the other, I do not hesitate.  I would choose the first and never miss the second.

For those of you who study astrology, I am now experiencing my second Saturn return.  It is time to make some serious choices.  I am sorting stuff, both externally and internally, deciding where my energy will be directed for the next couple of decades.

My work that I treasure the most, that I feel is the most successful as an expression of the way I see and experience life is most often seen as mere scribbles.  I have a difficult time accepting that point of view and find it hard to carve a place for myself in the art world.  I am torn between what I am and the facade I have presented of myself as an artist with the hopes of marketing myself and my work.

My representational work continues to be an important step toward stronger work.  It allows me to investigate an object more completely so that I can understand its nature, the inner essence of the object as I perceive it.  The representational work is only a study for the abstract lines that, if I am fortunate, I will be able to create that will be an expression of my vision.

The problem has been that it is the representational work that sells more often and for a much higher price than the abstract work that I feel is worth at least ten times what the representational work is worth.

I am tired of trying to figure it out.  I just want to paint, to learn more, to see more, to make more wonderful, simple lines.